Why Understanding Something Doesn't Mean You'll Apply It

Eight creators on the ahas that took years to land.

Seven years ago, if anyone had asked me if it was okay that they constantly beat themselves up, I would have said no, of course not. You should speak to yourself kindly. Trust me, you’ll perform better. I’d say this because I honestly believed it.

And yet, what did I do all day long? Trash talk myself, call myself names and bring myself down. I knew, conceptually, that you shouldn’t do that, but I wasn’t even aware I was doing it to myself.

That’s where the difference between understanding a truth and actually living it lies.

My aha came from podcasts. Interviews where admirable, successful people described the same brutal inner voice I thought was mine alone. And by listening to them, I started hearing myself. I gained a different type of awareness, a crystal clear one, and it led to something beautiful: action.

This is chapter two of After the Aha, my three-month collab with eight creators writing at the intersection of psychology, mindset, and inner work. Chapter one explored the ahas we keep on having. This one is about when the aha hits later than it should.

Here’s what they said.

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What did you understand intellectually for years before you started living it?
(when the aha hits late)

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Nathalie Cohen from the Nathalie Cohen publication

A little Substack gem, Nathalie’s publication is a place of wisdom and profound humanity.

That external achievements can never satisfy an inner void.

I grew up in a home where achievement mattered - a lot. I internalized that I was only worthy when I succeeded, and struggled with anxiety, low-grade depression and feelings of emptiness from an early age.

Even though I went to therapy, a part of me kept hoping that if I became successful and impressive enough, I would finally feel worthy and whole.

So, I frantically chased: another degree, another job, another country, another career pivot, another promotion. While each move gave me temporary relief, the inner void always returned. I didn’t realize it back then, but I was never moving any closer to a solution, I was simply escaping. They even have a term for this: awayness.

Ultimately it took close to 10 years, 5 degrees, 4 jobs, 2 different careers, 3 countries, 2 kids and a burnout to hit rock bottom and finally understand that peace truly is an inside job.

Through Vipassana meditation, I developed a practice that helped to finally stop escaping: equanimity. The ability to stay mentally balanced and to observe emotions and situations, instead of immediately needing to respond to them.

Raquel Devillé from Ce n’est pas dans ma tête

Meaning “It’s not in my head”, Raquel’s publication offers nervous system regulation tools for highly sensitive and neurodivergent women.

That I am not my thoughts. I could explain it. I could teach it. I believed it in theory. But when anxiety showed up, I still fused with every story my brain was telling me. "This is dangerous. Something is wrong. You're not enough." I knew those were just thoughts. I still lived as if they were facts. What changed wasn't another book or another aha. It was body-based work. When my nervous system finally felt safe, the thoughts lost their grip. Not because I out-thought them. Because I stopped running from the sensation underneath.

WENDY TOMLINSON from The Empowered Mindset

One of the kindest voices on Substack, Wendy will lift your energy and make your mindset extra strong.

My first introduction to the law of attraction was The Secret. I read the book and watched the film over and over for weeks. Then I researched all the speakers, learned everything I could, and eventually trained as a Law of Attraction Practitioner, which took me two years. The day before I qualified, my husband told me our marriage was over. I couldn't believe it. I kept thinking, I didn't ask for this. The course founder told me, in no uncertain terms, that I absolutely had asked for it, and that within a few months I would see that clearly. She was right. What I understood then was that it didn't matter how much I said I wanted our marriage to work. What I truly felt at a deeper level was that I was miserable and I wanted to be free to live the life I really wanted. That was the moment I stopped understanding the law of attraction intellectually and started seeing how it had been working in my life all along.

Kat Korobacz from Kat Korobacz’s Substack

Where CBT therapy meets the nervous system, Kat’s Substack is about how to turn understanding into movement.

I could have written the case study on myself. I understood my history, where the wounds came from, why I responded the way I did, in real depth, for years before anything about my actual life changed. That's a strange place to sit: fully able to explain yourself and still stuck exactly where you started. What I eventually realised is that insight was never going to be the bridge. It can describe the far bank in perfect detail and still leave you standing on the near one. The piece that was missing was including the body and the nervous system as an active part of the work, rather than just the mind's account of it. That's the personal shift that's shaped how I practise now, as a qualified therapist: knowing why you feel something and feeling safe enough to feel differently are two separate jobs. Being stuck in the middle, between the two, is a painful place. It's where a lot of the negative beliefs people carry about themselves come online even more: the sense of being broken, or lazy, or simply beyond help, when really they've just been given the map without ever being shown the bridge. And once those beliefs come online, we contract even more, which only widens the gap between knowing and doing rather than closing it.

Shelly Roberts from Pen is Power

Shelly’s publication is a place to explore the cycle of Beliefs > Thoughts > Feelings > Actions > Results.

What we eat and drink has a direct influence on how we feel physically and mentally. We can get away with living on processed, fast foods when we’re younger, but… it does catch up with us eventually.

Nicola Farnhill from Connected to Self

Nicola works with midlifers who, just like her, are done with survival mode.

I understood intellectually, and for years, before I started living it, that not everyone will treat you the way you treat them. But there is no room to be a victim in this situation, no. Only the awareness to be gained that boundaries can only be respected when they are expressed and stood by. Just because you know what you need doesn't mean that others do.

Mahmoud Owies from Brilliantly Dark

Warm and profoundly honest, Mahmoud writes his own story in a way that lets you see yours.

This will sound so stupid, but I always understood that one day I will die. However, I never felt it, it never really clicked, not until the death of my father two years ago. I finally started seeing it so clearly: my time here is limited, and waiting for miracles is not the best way to live.

Break Free With Me (Mac) from The Personal Freedom Podcast with Mac Dohm and Porn Free Millenial

Mac’s work is about faith, courage, and the daily choices that can reshape a life, drawn from lived experience.

For years I understood that my worth wasn’t determined by my failures. I could have quoted Scripture about grace, talked about forgiveness, and encouraged someone else to believe it.

I just struggled to believe it applied to me.

Pornography wasn’t only reinforcing unhealthy behaviors and clashing with my Christian values growing up, it was reinforcing an internal narrative that I was fundamentally broken. I knew the truth intellectually, but shame interpreted every setback as proof that I hadn’t really changed and never truly would.

Things began to shift when I learned to separate my identity from my behavior. Much of that growth came through Christian-based therapy, including Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), joining a men’s Bible study at my local church, installing accountability software on my devices, and building consistent accountability with my little brother and my recovery coach.

I still take full responsibility for my choices, but I no longer allow my worst moments to define who I am. That shift didn’t just help me break free from pornography, it changed the way I saw myself and what I believed was possible.

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I love the phrase “never waste your suffering”, and reading through these answers, I realized these are eight people who did not waste theirs. They took difficult experiences like burnout, anxiety, divorce, grief, or addiction and turned them into a personal reckoning.

Wendy's marriage ended and the law of attraction stopped being theory. Nathalie burned out and equanimity became a practice. Mac faced the shame underneath his addiction and grace applied to him too.

None of them chose the catalyst but all of them chose what to do with it. The aha hits late because our nervous systems, our histories, and our identities need more than an idea to move.

If you’re in the middle of something hard right now, seeing it clearly is asking a lot. So here’s another way to say it: Whatever you’re going through has something to teach you. But you don’t have to learn it today. The lesson will still be there when you’re ready.

Next month, chapter three: What moved them from knowing to doing? The specific moment things finally tipped.
See you then! 🫶🏻

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💬 Your turn! What did you understand intellectually for years before you started living it? We’d love to know.

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If you missed it, here’s chapter 1:

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