The Untranslatable French Word That Makes You Better to Be Around

It might be the warmest word I know. Let me show you what it does.

I learned French when I was 4. For a long time, it was my favorite language. That was before I realized Moroccan Darija is the vehicle of a huge part of my identity.

I now live in San Sebastian, Spain where, every day at work, I speak Spanish, English and occasionally French and Portuguese. At home, it’s a crazy pot-pourri of languages with my Basque husband, who’s also an idiomatic enthusiast. Here’s an example of random Whatsapp conversations between us and the perfect illustration of how we speak to each other in real time:

Weird, I know..

And although I’m infinitely lucky that I can loosen the rules when I speak to him, and just use the first word that comes to my mind regardless of the language it pops up in, I can hardly do this with other people.

Which means I often stop mid-sentence because my brain has the perfect word ready, except it's in French, or Darija, or Spanish, and I happen to be speaking English.

Sometimes, the command will go something like this:

Withdraw word —> Translate to language I was speaking in —> ‼️Translation unavailable‼️

And today I wanted to share with you one of my favorite untranslatable words, one that I wish existed in every language.

That’s the French word “bienveillance”, an elegant and unique expression of what makes us human.

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What does bienveillance mean?

Bienveillance, pronounced byan-vay-yahns, comes from “bien”, meaning well, and the verb “veiller”, meaning to watch over. It’s the active desire for someone else to be okay, combined with a readiness to look out for them. The wishing-well is baked into the word itself, which I love.

More than a behavior or an emotion, bienveillance is a disposition, a posture. It's a generous stance you hold toward someone. It shapes how you read them and see them, even before you act.

It’s different from kindness which usually shows up in action. It’s less about doing a nice thing and more about the caring intent you hold before anything even happens.

I guess the closest English word to it might be benevolence. But benevolence sounds formal and distant, often tied to charity or a powerful figure being gracious. Bienveillance in French is warmer and more everyday. You'd use it about a teacher, a colleague, a way of listening, an attitude.

What I love about carrying a bienveillance posture — une posture bienveillante — is that it not only benefits others, but it makes us happier too, lighter. It turns us into better managers, teammates, friends and even parents. We become magnetic.

Let me show you how.

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5 Ways to channel bienveillance every day

1. You assume the best possible reason for someone's behavior before you assume the worst. The cashier didn't smile back. Bienveillance is reaching for the kind explanation first. "He's probably having a hard day" instead of "How rude." You do it because most of the time, the kind explanation is the true one. And even when it isn't, you're the one who gets to keep your peace.

2. You let people save face. Someone forgets your name or makes a visible mistake. Bienveillance is choosing not to point it out. You don’t need to win the small moment. You don’t take pleasure from making them feel the sting of their slip. You’re generous. "No worries at all, that can happen to anyone", you say before they're even finished apologizing. You make being human around you feel safe.

3. You give people room to have a bad day without making it mean something. When your partner doesn’t greet you with his usual warmth, or your friend doesn’t call you back, bienveillance is resisting the urge to file it as evidence against them. You let one bad moment be just that, a moment, instead of a verdict on the whole relationship. You extend the same grace you'd want extended to you on your worst day.
Of course, if that’s a repetitive behavior, you might need to have the uncomfortable conversation. You’re cultivating bienveillance, you’re not a pushover. But if it’s just an occasional mistake, you simply let it go.

4. You notice the person doing the invisible work and name it. I had a colleague who made sure the printer was never out of paper. My best friend always remembers our friendship anniversary (August 28th). My mom plans my favorite meals every time I’m home.
Do you have someone in your life who does nice things without you asking? Bienveillance is catching these tiny acts and saying them out loud. "Hey, I noticed you did that. Thank you so much." You become the one who witnesses every sign of kindness.

5. You speak to yourself the way you'd speak to someone you love. This one is easy to forget, isn’t it? When adopting an attitude of generosity towards others, don’t forget to extend that same goodwill to yourself. There’s no reason why that beautiful attitude of warmth should stop at your door. “Anyone could have made that mistake...”, “I’m still learning… I’ll do better next time.”, “I’m tired, I should get some rest.”
Real bienveillance includes you, always.

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Bienveillance is empathy, maturity, and awareness, all gathered into one simple posture you can choose a hundred times a day. I truly believe cultivating this turns us into an irresistible version of ourselves.

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Did this resonate with you? If so, press the 💗 to let me know. It’ll make my day!

And if you speak more than one language, I’d love to know your favorite hard-to-translate word. Reply to this email or tell me in the comments!👇🏼

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